Words Are Only Painted Fire

Blogging is going to be a slow go as recovery from being sick has been, for lack of a better phrase, not happening and we’re still trying to reach a conclusion after a number of misdiagnoses.

Couple that with my grandmother being in the hospital for major surgery, me packing to get ready for my move back home, and getting ready for my trip to France (which I’m determined will happen, although the aforementioned medical issues are dampening that optimism) PLUS my inability to work for more than one or two hours which is causing stress and feeling like I’ve let everyone down and you’ve got one big giant mess. I challenge Math geniuses to tackle that equation.

So, as has been the case for the past month and a half, blogging will be sporadic at best. I want to thank everyone for their support and encouragement; I hope that you’ll continue to hang in there with me.

And now for something fun:

I was introduced to Wordle via Andrea’s blog (she used it to examine key words in political speeches; you’re not going to be that lucky here) and am consequently hooked. It’s a fun way to examine my own writing and, possibly, myself in seeing what I write about most and, subsequently, what moves me.


twenty(orsome)things to do

 twenty(or)something (main page)

twenty(or)something (a more accurate depiction of this blog)

Conclusion: I know I really love everything about the word “like.” Oh, and something about change and transformation and learning.


Update III

It’s amazing, and somewhat discomforting, to realize how things can change so much, so quickly. After such a long period of stagnation, it seemed as if everything was just beginning to look up. Things were happening: I had opportunities, I had goals, I had a plan. Fortunately, the opportunity is still there, I’m holding fast to my goals, and my plan is moving forward. However, I’m learning that perhaps I need to put the idea of being more flexible into practice.

I’ve had some unexpected health issues the past three weeks that have left me feeling a mix of emotions, namely frustration and anxiety. My doctor believes that I have a mono-like virus due to some physical symptoms and blood work results, and although I’ve undergone a series of tests for other symptoms that gratefully show I’m otherwise healthy, it’s frustrating to feel like something is wrong with your body and yet you don’t know what it is. This has led to increased anxiety — anxiety that I absolutely don’t have room for right now.

I can’t begin to explain how not me I am. In addition to feeling like crap, I’m a bit of a mess: I can’t focus, I’ve become increasingly sensitive and pessimistic, and I feel like I’m five again — I need my Mom and Dad. This is not Independent Susan. This is a Susan that is completely foreign to me, a Susan I don’t recognize. I think I’ve laughed twice in three weeks and smiled even less. When I’m not smiling, there’s definitely something wrong.

After two trips to the ER and countless doctors visits, we’re still not sure what’s going on, but we’re trying to narrow everything down and rule things out. I don’t remember ever feeling quite this bad before or having it last for so long, and I want it to stop. Immediately.

…But since telling myself off obviously isn’t working, we’re going to continue seeking answers while hoping that I get better on my own. However, because my health has caused such a huge hiccup these past three weeks, particularly at work, I have become increasingly worried about losing my job (yes, fortunately, it’s a temporary job and not a career, but it‘s one that I rather enjoy). So, I talked to my boss.

I’ve always believed in being honest with my supervisors about personal issues that arise, especially when those issues are affecting my work. As foolish as this may sound, I believe that it’s my responsibility as an employee to let them know so that they may make accommodations to the benefit of the company, even though I hope that those accommodations benefit me as well. Plus, plain and simple, I have a lot of respect for them.

I like to think that my supervisors and coworkers know the “real” me, that they know my regular work habit and performance and that they see that I am genuinely enthusiastic about my job. So when something changes, and when it becomes apparent in my work, as has been the recent case, I hope that I can rely on my past performance. Luckily for me, I have proven myself and my capabilities, and my boss is sensitive to my issue.

Last week I told her the situation and explained how much I regretted putting her and the rest of the staff in such a position. She said that she understood from experience how hard it is to function when you’re feeling so bad and that I can’t push myself too much, as I had been doing. She reassured me that I’m a vital member of the team and that my past performance had indeed proven my capabilities; however, my health was the most important thing, and they would work with me while I got better. So we worked out a schedule where I will be working part-time for a little while, benefiting both my health and my job: working half days would ensure that I get the rest I need while also allowing me to be more productive during the time I am there.

The relief I felt as I left her office was indescribable. It’s nice to know you have someone on your side.

That’s the update: sporadic posting will continue throughout the next couple of weeks; thanks for hanging in there with me.



I was all geared up to write a post about how I tested for (and was awarded) my yellow belt on Saturday and how learning martial arts is a lot like going through life in  respects to what it teaches you — independence, working at your own pace vs comparing your achievements to others, having a goal to aim for…Eventually I’ll get to it, as the more I reflect on these lessons that ultimately have nothing and everything to do with martial arts, the more I appreciate the fact that I actually had the motivation to start something that I have ended up loving.

I’m eager to write that post, but I’ve been dealing with some health issues the past few days that are of greater concerns to me.  So while I get some testing done and figure out everything that’s going on there, I’m going to be taking a brief break from blogging. I have some drafts saved that I might post, and I may dig into the archives and repost whatever may seem relative: a “let’s see how far we’ve come” play may be nice and helpful at this stage in the personal development game. 

Thanks for sticking around and bearing with me — I should be back on schedule within a week or two.

In the meantime, learn something new, have some villainous fun, and be justifiably amused.


Happy Fourth of July!

Happy Fourth of July!

Today I’m going to take my cue from America’s handbook and celebrate freedom and independence, albeit a bit more personally this year.

Today, I’m going to ignore the chaotic mess of questions and uncertainty in my mind; I’m going to appreciate what I have and not want for anything else.

Today I’m going to immerse myself in good friends and cheap beer (or is it the reverse?) and enjoy yummy barbecue and a fireworks extravaganza.

Today we’re going to have some fun.

I wish everyone a very happy and safe July 4th!