Two years ago, I doubt I could have imagined what my life would look like now.

Six months ago, I never could have envisioned the happiness that has been filling my soul with every sunrise, every smile.

Life has changed dramatically in just a short amount of time, and as fond of reflection as I am, I am all the more aware of just how much I’ve changed along with it.  During the winter months, I faced some of the darkest, most emotional moments I’d ever experienced. But, upon looking back, I’ve learned that light casts away the dark, good replaces the bad, and life is constantly moving forward (I’m pretty sure this is one of the laws of the Universe, right?).

Once upon a time, I mentioned that I wanted this year to be an awakening for me. I’d spent two years healing from five consecutive, permanent losses, while also coping with a loss of self-worth and questioning my place in the world. It had been an incredible journey — one, I’ve realized, is still only beginning.

A huge personal change is happening in my life right now –  a positive change – and I’ve never felt more excitement or anticipation. One of my many dreams is coming true, step by step, day by day. I’m not quite ready to divulge it to the masses quite yet, as it’s still a bit up in the air, but we’re moving forward, and when the time comes, I promise I will be excited to share it with all of you.

In the meantime, this real-life situation has been occupying my mind and leaving little room for any contemplative writing. Oh, I still have a thousand what ifs racing through there and some more character flaws to dissect and a dozen more questions to ask of the Universe…But for now, just a simple “Thanks, Universe…Looks like all those tootsie rolls are paying off” will have to do.

The blog may have been a bit more silent than usual, but I hope that you’ll hang in there with me. In the meantime, I want to hear from you! Summer plans, life changes, stories about your dog…I want to hear all about the important happenings in your life.

Today, I hope you’ll tell me your story.

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast to truth…
Incubus, Love Hurts

This site has come a long way since its inception back in May. It’s changed and I’ve changed, and I’ve never been more grateful for it all…and most certainly for all of you. To those who have stuck by and supported me, read my rantings and ravings (and ramblings), and offered new perspectives, profound insights, and invaluable advice, tonight I drink to you. (Metaphorically, of course, but I promise the meaning is there!)

There’s something to be said for voicing the things you want out loud, writing out your goals, envisioning your dreams…Maybe it’s the whole “thoughts become things” mentality, or maybe it’s simply a useful reminder — a guidepost — for where you want to go, what you want to do, and who you want to be.

Writing has always served as this form of an outlet for me, enabling me to put into words my thoughts and emotions as I attempt to answer those questions. Blogging, it seems, has become a natural extension of that, as I’m able to share a small part of myself and connect with others while I continue to figure it all out. Just where am I going? What is it I really want to be doing?

And then there’s the age-old question of “Who Am I?”

I promise not to go there.

If I can help it.

The fact is, I don’t have all of the answers. But then again, maybe that’s exactly why I have a blog.

I’ve screwed-up, faced rejection, and second-guessed decisions; this blog has taught me to learn from these mistakes, to keep trying, and to not look back in regret. It has allowed me to cement my opinions or change them according to new experiences, perspectives, or reader-insights, as I myself change and grow and learn. It has showcased my strengths and my weaknesses and allowed me to indulge in honest emotion as situations warranted so that I could acknowledge its impact, pick myself up, and move on.

It has reignited a passion and renewed motivation, connected me with an intelligent, warm, and open community, and led to an acceptance of situations, realized dreams, worthwhile adventures, and, most importantly, some difficult lessons learned.

I don’t have all of the answers, and I’m not even close to finding them, but that’s finally okay with me.

Because something else this blog has done is helped me to learn that it’s what you discover about yourself and who you meet along the way that makes this whole journey worthwhile.

As I continue to work on getting the new website up and running (and recovering from whatever virus I seem to have caught), I’ll update with a great message from Notes from the Universe. These notes are daily reminders infused with bits of humor and a whole lot of wisdom. Somehow, they always call to exactly how I’m feeling, and today’s is no exception:

Here’s the thing. Admission into time and space requires a belief in limits: a belief that both time and space are real; that you can therefore have and have-not; that love can be lost or found; and that you are what your physical senses show you and no more.

These illusions immediately lead you to believe that you are incomplete. Yet, far from indicating you are flawed, they reveal your brilliance by filling you with desire, igniting your emotions, fueling your passions, and catapulting you out into the world where journeys are begun, connections are made, and dreams come true… only to be replaced by new dreams as your divine sense of incompleteness persists.

This is by design. Feeling incomplete does not make you so. It’s how legends are born, giants are made, and history is written. It’s why you’re here. To ever so briefly escape your true identity as you live with an unquenchable thirst that will lead into adventures of grandeur, discovery, and a realization that love is all there is.

Your trusty accomplice,
The Universe

PS: The truth is, you are complete, you are where you should be, nothing has been missed, and I’ll see you at the ball.

For me, it seems to call back to these past few blog posts and recent journey of rediscovery.

How does it fit your life?

I’m safe, sound, and smiling back in PA after an adventurous two days of travel home from France. My journey there was wrought with nerves and anxiety and many, many tears. My journey back home, although filled with obstacles to overcome and taking a day longer than expected due to train delays and missed flights, was filled with an “I can do this” attitude and a self-acknowledgement of my own strength, my own independence.

I really do believe now that I can do anything.

But, Universe, if you can let me get over this jetlag before you throw me the Next Great Test, I would appreciate it.

Speaking of the Universe, a fellow writer at the retreat introduced me to Notes from the Universe, daily inspirational (and often funny) reminders tailored specifically to goals you set for yourself. Yesterday’s reminder couldn’t have spoken more clearly:

You do realize, Susan, don’t you, that there have been others – in lifetimes, millenniums, and civilizations past – who have been to some of the same “places” you’ve been to? Yet, they got so scared they lost control, turned away, or flat out quit.
Yep, and they surround you now in the unseen. Your greatest admirers.
Thanks,
The Universe

Indeed, I’m so proud of myself for all that I have done, for not backing out, for not turning away when things got rough, as I so desperately wanted to do. This trip has been a mix of tears and homesickness, of laughter and inspiration, and I feel like a better, stronger person because of it all. The friends I’ve made, the moments we’ve shared, the lessons I’ve learned will always be a part of me, memories to draw upon when I feel I need the strength. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

Still, though, with my dog hogging the bed beside me, it feels pretty good to be home.

Wishing everyone in the states a very Happy Thanksgiving.

What are you grateful for this year?

Coming Soon:
I’m Going Home: Parts 1 and 2
Inspiration & La Muse
Flash Fiction Contest: Win An Autographed Copy of The White Road, by Tania Hershman
Life’s Recipe: A Dash of Journey Juju

Blogging is going to be a slow go as recovery from being sick has been, for lack of a better phrase, not happening and we’re still trying to reach a conclusion after a number of misdiagnoses.

Couple that with my grandmother being in the hospital for major surgery, me packing to get ready for my move back home, and getting ready for my trip to France (which I’m determined will happen, although the aforementioned medical issues are dampening that optimism) PLUS my inability to work for more than one or two hours which is causing stress and feeling like I’ve let everyone down and you’ve got one big giant mess. I challenge Math geniuses to tackle that equation.

So, as has been the case for the past month and a half, blogging will be sporadic at best. I want to thank everyone for their support and encouragement; I hope that you’ll continue to hang in there with me.

And now for something fun:

I was introduced to Wordle via Andrea’s blog (she used it to examine key words in political speeches; you’re not going to be that lucky here) and am consequently hooked. It’s a fun way to examine my own writing and, possibly, myself in seeing what I write about most and, subsequently, what moves me.

twenty(four)something

twenty(orsome)things to do

 twenty(or)something (main page)

twenty(or)something (a more accurate depiction of this blog)

Conclusion: I know I really love everything about the word “like.” Oh, and something about change and transformation and learning.