Yesterday was a huge day for me — not just for the launch of the Kickstarter fundraising campaign as I pursue a dream of publishing my book, but also because I’ve managed to let go of a fear I’ve held onto for almost all of my life: A fear that I was never good enough, a fear that I was never worthy of anything at all…
I could go on and try to figure out why that is and explain how I understand just how messed up and damaging that way of thinking is. I could tell you how that is slowly beginning to change as I begin to change — as I heal from this illness in both body and spirit and as I imagine a future that maybe doesn’t have to reside only in dreams.
I could promise you that I’m learning — that I’m beginning to see that we can be proud of what we’ve accomplished and who we are and what we’ve worked so hard for while still remaining humble and modest and recognizing those who have guided us along the way.
I could tell you how I’m starting to believe in myself and how I can finally begin to accept that love and support that is so graciously offered when for so long I believed I was so undeserving of it. When even now I question myself and my worth, but never your friendship.
I could list all the ways I’m grateful for you; I could try to write of all the gratitude that fills my heart when I think of every road you’ve been down with me — every fall of tears, every bout of fear and uncertainty, every happiness, and every smile.
I could try.
But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express just how genuine these words are and just how deep that gratitude goes.
Instead, I’ll leave — for now — with something that encompasses all of these things and so much more, that overwhelms my heart and keeps me holding to this present and hoping for the future, something that binds my love to you…
Thank you for believing in me.