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(Guest Post) Deciding on Destiny — twenty(or)something: the archives

(Guest Post) Deciding on Destiny

by Susan Pogorzelski on April 14, 2011 · 5 comments

 

 Ayden: I think I saw what I’m going to be.

Dapper Man 41: That’s Destiny.

Ayden: And if I don’t want it?

Dapper Man 41: That’s choice.

Ayden: So what’s the point of having one if the other could happen? Which one is right?

Dapper Man 41: That, my dear boy, is life.

– Return of the Dapper Men –

  Ed. Note: Raven recently introduced me to the above excerpt from the graphic novel The Return of the Dapper Men (disclaimer: non-affiliate link), and it so intrigued me, that I asked if she wouldn’t mind writing another guest post on the subject of Destiny.

Maybe it’s because of where I am, personally – studying spirituality and questioning religion; maybe it’s because everything is ready to change again and I don’t know whether to be happy for those changes or afraid of them. Or maybe it’s because of a combination of these things, maybe it’s because I’m simply questioning my place in the world, my purpose, finally feeling like I’m on my way to finding it and at the same time wondering if it’s right at all.

Whatever the reasons, I have questions. I’m only just beginning to understand what destiny — fate, life — means to me, but I want to know…

What does it mean to you?

* * * * *

Have you ever had one of those moments when you are going about your day doing your thing, then you walk into a room and cannot remember why the hell you are there in the first place? You’re wondering how you ended up there. You don’t know. You’re just there.

Next thing you know, your fiancé is asking why you are standing in the bathroom with a bag of kitty litter and a roll of packaging tape.

I try to avoid having moments like these. It makes me think I’m getting old. Or, I don’t take enough vitamins. Or something else, I forget.

But you can’t avoid forgetting. It sneaks up on you and then –hey- you forgot something. And, you can’t remember, so it couldn’t have been that important in the first place, right?

I think that’s a bit of how destiny works. It comes up on you out of the blue. You are going through the motions of life – then boom, you’re just like your Dad. And, you don’t even know how that even happened. You were doing everything to avoid being just like him, weren’t you?

Or, maybe you’re destined to be miserable because you are doing everything to avoid being happy – but you can’t remember how to be happy because you’ve been perfecting the art of miserable since you were a teenager.

So, how can something so important as destiny be like forgetting? I guess it comes with the distractions we call choices. Are choices really distractions? We can choose to avoid our destiny by making different choices. But if destiny is like forgetting – simple lost memories – are we just distracting ourselves by saying we chose to be another way? Destiny puts us in unfamiliar spots. Then come the inevitable questions, “How did I get here? Am I on the right path?”

We search for a reason as to why we’re there in the first place.  After we can’t find answers, we leave. We try not to come back to that unfamiliar spot. It’s scary because we don’t know what we’re doing. But then, we eventually return with a reason and (remembered) intent.

People don’t like their destiny being reasonless.

Perhaps it was my destiny to write this post for you. Susan asked me to write about something else since my first guest post was kind of crap, but she was kind enough to post it anyway. I don’t think I’m destined to write crappy posts (at least not all the time), but I do think I was destined to write something new.

So, I want to finish this post before I forget to tell you something else important. Destiny might be more like coming to a conclusion and remembering the reason why you’re there.

About the Author: Raven Moore is a writing and editing professional living in Chicago, IL. She blogs about lifestyle and career at The Writerbabe Series. You can find her on twitter or spending time correcting old typos in her blog posts.

 

Raven is taking part in a two-month guest series featuring writers across the blogosphere here on twenty(or)something while this blog takes a brief hiatus. Want to chat? Email me at twentyorsomething [at] gmail.com or say hi on Twitter!

 

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Tatiana April 14, 2011

I think destiny is fascinating because it’s so tempting. Destiny implies a lack of control, which I think some people enjoy; just letting go. It suggests that no matter what you do, or where you go, you’ll always somehow manage to find yourself exactly where you need to be; ie – destiny. It’s really romantic actually. This mentality plays itself out in romantic comedys, where the woman finds her unsuspecting male lover through a series of seemingly unconnected events. I think that’s why people call it “falling” in love; it’s chaotic, and wonderful and enviable.

But my personal relationship to destiny is more akin to the message in Life Or Something Like It, a movie starring Angelina Jolie. Jolie’s character is told she’s going to die in a week, so she starts spazzing out, and trying to figure out what she’s going to do with only a few days left to live. Then, her male colleague tells her that yeah, she’ll probably die if she continues living the way she does, but if she makes different choices, then she won’t die. (Can you guess how the movie ended?) And that’s pretty close to how I feel about fate/destiny and all that jazz. It’s something that we choose. People have more control than they probably realize or will admit.

But sometimes your Spirit will just make things happen to get you back on track. My favorite example of this is Megan McCafferty, an author of YA fictin. In her diaries (when she still had them posted) she wrote about how she used to run (she ran cross country/track in college and HS) when she was an adult and she slipped a disk. So she had to stay in bed, and not go to work. So she started writing, which she had been neglecting. She kept writing, didn’t stop – and now she’s a an author for a living.

Certain things happen to give you a chance to gain perspective. So, you’ll always have a choice to live your life as you see fit, but I definitely feel that your destiny is to be Who You Are and sometimes things will happen to get you on that track if you’re not already on it. Hopefully, you won’t have to slip a disk, get hit by a car or whatever before you decide to start living with Spirit, but yeah – that’s how I feel toward the concept of destiny.

Reply

Raven April 14, 2011

I like The Dapper Men’s take on the whole destiny/choice thing. It’s an either do or don’t thing. I agree with Tatiana’s point about destiny being uncontrolled. Perhaps that’s why some people like surrendering to it, but I think they only like the idea of surrendering to it if the destiny is something they want. I don’t think anyone wants to surrender to a destiny of chaos, uncertainty and being miserable.

But I do think we have destinies. But they’re like prayers – they can go unanswered. But, they’re still out there waiting for someone to listen to them.

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Noel April 15, 2011

I love both of your comments about destiny, and how many are drawn to it because it seems so effortless, like we can just float along in our lives and destiny is the wind that fills the sails.

Maybe this is true for some. But I feel like my life has been more of a choose-your-own-adventure novel. The destiny is always there, but perhaps how you get there or what happens along the way changes with the choices made.

Reply

Susan Pogorzelski April 18, 2011

This is one of my favorite topics that I hope to explore further down the line here on the blog. What a fascinating discussion from all of you! Thanks for your insights and opinions! And, Raven, thanks for offering your take via another guest post — a pleasure to have you here 🙂

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