Just One Question

by Susan Pogorzelski on October 6, 2010 · 4 comments

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with him…
What would you ask if you had just one question?

Joan Osbourne, “One Of Us”

It’s still on my mind…

Loss, love, spirituality — trying to find yourself, forgive yourself, understand yourself. Trying to figure out what I believe in and how it shapes my world; trying to understand where I fit in, what role do I play, and how does that begin to matter.

Trying to understand.

All of these questions I’ve been asking myself on this blog these past two years…

All of these questions, all this time…

And yet, sometimes I feel like I’m at the very beginning, still struggling to navigate my way through this part of my life, questioning the world around me and doubting everything within.

It takes time. Lessons aren’t learned in a day, but rather throughout a lifetime, I know this. But sometimes it feels like there are so many more questions than answers. And sometimes, that’s really all you want, all you need — one answer, something definitive and concrete, a declaration, loud and clear, that says, “this is who you are; this is what you’re meant for.”

Why am I here, now? Why now and what next and why can’t we ever be sure?

Why can’t we be afforded that comfort we crave, the serenity we seek, the affirmations we need?

Why is hope sometimes so hard to hold onto?

(Why is it that sometimes love just isn’t enough…)

We wonder why and we question what and we think we have a grasp on it, can catch a glimpse of that bigger picture before it begins to fade, like a memory you can’t be sure of. And so you’re back to wondering…

What is my purpose, what is it that I’m meant for?

To help, to hope? To comfort? To teach? To learn?

To love?

Who am I?

Am I that girl who clings to her past, hesitant to let go of a comfort she’s always known? Or am I the one who looks towards the promise of the future,believing in the beauty of a dream even during the waking hours?

Am I the woman who treasures her solitude and claims independence? Or am I the one who seeks consolation in company?

Am I meant for love? Am I meant for this?

Am I meant for more?

The more I learn, the more I realize that I have so much more to learn. And the more questions I have, the more I realize that I really don’t have any answers at all.

I wonder if any of us really do.

I wonder if we’re meant to.

Maybe that’s part of this journey — to seek, to understand, to question and to find our own answers to these questions that haunt every one of us, at some point or another.

And maybe those answers will change as we change — as we travel through life, experiencing, growing, living and learning.

Maybe there will always be questions. Maybe there will never be definitive, concrete answers.

Maybe if we keep asking those questions, we’ll be one step closer to finding our answers.

Maybe…

I wonder.

What would you ask if you had just one question?

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Positively Present October 7, 2010

Great question! Did you see the latest episode of Glee??? You would love it! They sang this song and talked about spirituality.

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Susan Pogorzelski October 7, 2010

Yes! I just watched it last night; it was actually the inspiration for this post. For the past few months (maybe even years, honestly), I’ve been trying to figure out where I fit into the whole grand scheme of things, trying to narrow down what I believed. I think these are questions that everyone asks themselves time and again throughout their lifetime. Ironically, it was Glee that was able to bring all these questions back to the surface and verbalize everything I’ve ever wanted to say.

Maybe there’s something to be said for a little song and dance 🙂

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beckywoodh October 7, 2010

I think I would ask, “Am I really as ‘ok’ as I think I am, or am I just a master at disguising my hypocondriadic fears?”

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