The Writing’s On The Wall

by Susan Pogorzelski on July 26, 2010 · 32 comments

The writing’s on the wall, brothers
Your life is in your hands.
It’s up to you to see the writing’s on the wall
I hope that you may see the writing’s on the wall.
George Harrison, “Writing’s On The Wall”

I’ve written and re-written the beginning of this post no less than half a dozen times already, but no matter how many different ways I type the words or how often I say it out loud, even I can’t quite believe it’s real. Life has begun to change for me the past couple of weeks, though it’s a welcomed  change, and over the course of this time, new dreams have taken shape, lessons have been learned and tested, and emotions have become exhausted.

There’s been so much I’ve wanted to write about with all of this, so much I’ve wanted to share, yet I’ve been afraid to speak these words out-loud, afraid to smile too broadly, afraid to laugh too loud. Somehow, I’ve convinced myself that if I kept it a secret, then this newfound happiness couldn’t be taken away from me, that the dream wouldn’t slip from within my grasp. I was afraid that something would happen, that something would change, as things so quickly seem to do. While I’ve been running head-first into this adventure, as this dream turns into reality with every passing hour, there’s a part of me that’s terrified that it’s merely the dreamer in me speaking, that the dream will be shattered, somehow, if I even dare whisper the words to the world.

And so I kept it to myself as much as I could, while inside I’ve been a mess of emotions: frustration at not being entirely in control of the situation, having to leave this fate in others’ hands; patience — never really my strong suit in the first place — being tried as the days pass to weeks and those weeks go by; anticipation and excitement coursing through every vein in my body as I plan, dream, wonder about my future — a future that feels so close at hand.

Yet, never once, despite all of these emotions, has there been even the smallest shred of doubt that this isn’t the right decision, that this isn’t meant to be, that this is the next step on my journey:

I’m buying a house.

A house. I’m buying a house. A house with a fenced-in yard for Riley and all of the charm and history I could have ever wanted. A house where friends will join me for cookouts and movie nights in and family will come for long dinners, building new memories as we share the old with smiles and laughter. A house where responsibility lies in my open hands, where I can grow and learn and become the adult I have always, always longed to be, the woman that has been in there, inside of me, just waiting for time and age to catch up to her.

A house where my life — my very heart and soul — will be written on the walls.

A house that will become a home.

* * * * * * *

Note: This has been a long and emotional process, and one I’ve been longing to write about for some time now. In the next few weeks, I hope to share what has led me to this point in my life, what this dream means to me, and who I believe has helped guide me here — even if they’re only here in spirit. Until then: Thanks for your patience and understanding through the somewhat silent route this blog has taken, thanks for your support and encouragement, and, most importantly, thank you simply for you — the past two years have been a tremendous learning curve and I doubt my life would have been the same without this blog, without this community, without you, my friends.

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Mehnaz July 26, 2010

Congratulations! That’s brilliant! 🙂

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Susan Pogorzelski July 27, 2010

Thanks so much, Mehnaz! I’m so excited to finally say the words out-loud; it makes it that much more real! 🙂

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Lindsey July 27, 2010

What a poetic post! Congratulations! You’re embarking on what sounds like an amazing journey!!

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Susan Pogorzelski July 27, 2010

Thanks, Lindsey! Six months ago, I never would have imagined it was even possible. Kind of amazing where life will take you. This is one journey I’m glad to be on!

PS: I owe you a very, very long email soon, I promise!

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Meghan July 27, 2010

Oh, Susan, what WONDERFUL news!! Congratulations! I’m thrilled for you! Buying a house was definitely the hardest/most rewarding thing I have ever done. The looking, the thinking, the bidding, the waiting…the process is stressful, but it is totally worth it in the end.

I also understand your feelings of not wanting to jinx your good fortune. My husband wanted to share the news with everyone we knew every time we put a bid in on a house, but I was hesitant; especially when sellers rejected our offers. In the end, we waited until we had confirmation from the listing agent that the sellers had accepted our offer and the signed papers were on the way to our realtor before we were comfortable making an announcement. But it is SUCH a good feeling to share the news!

I’m so glad you were able to post this here; I can’t wait to read all about your journey to homeownership. Congratulations, again!

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Susan Pogorzelski July 27, 2010

Meghan: Thanks so, so much! Everything is telling me that this is the right decision, the right move, the right house, and I couldn’t be happier — but you’re absolutely right, it’s possibly one of the most stressful things I’ve ever experienced. Not so much because of the process itself, but the fact that it’s essentially out of my hands, that I have to rely on other people in the meantime, and that it takes a lot of time. If that’s the lesson I’m supposed to be learning, then it’s doing a good job of teaching me 😉

That’s exactly why I was so hesitant to say anything…I’ve gotten my hopes up many times before, only to have them dashed for one reason or another. I wasn’t ready to do that again, and definitely didn’t want to face that disappointment. We’re a few weeks away from closing — I figured it was safe enough now, right?

What is it about happiness and good fortune that makes us so fearful of having it taken away — is it really that rare? The thought makes me a bit sad…An interesting idea that I’ll have to think about.

Thanks so much for the comment and support, Meghan! Hope everyone is doing happy and well there!

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Meghan July 27, 2010

Oh yes, the process of buying a house is definitely a lesson in patience! When my husband and I bought our house, we had to wait a few extra days (but it felt like forever to us) t0 find out if the sellers agreed to our offer because they were on vacation. I thought I would go crazy because of the waiting 🙂

A few weeks away is the perfect time to tell people! We told our immediate family as soon as the sellers signed the agreement of sale and it eventually filtered out to other family, friends and co-workers as the closing date approached. We only had one minor setback – the sellers asked we move the closing date back one month – but other than that, once the papers were signed, it was smooth sailing.

And I agree with your bittersweet sentiment about happiness; people are so scared to celebrate it because we believe it’s fleeting. Truly happy people know that happiness is created and cultivated all the time…a lesson I’m still working on learning.

Thank you so much for the kind words – everyone is happy and healthy on my end!

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beckywoodh July 27, 2010

FABULOUS! Congratulations 🙂

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Susan Pogorzelski July 27, 2010

Thanks so much, Becky! 🙂

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Anna July 27, 2010

Major congrats, Susan! As someone who just went through the process you’re going through a couple months ago, I feel like I want to give you both a huge virtual hug and a one-hour massage certificate. Buying a house was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done, second only to planning my wedding. I wish you an easier time than I had, which involved a poorly-done appraisal, and a lender that didn’t get me my settlement statement until AFTER we closed on the house. And then you have to pack, move, unpack…ugh! I didn’t mean for this comment to turn into a festering pool of negativity.

Yay, Susan is buying a house! I’m so happy and proud and excited for you!

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Susan Pogorzelski August 16, 2010

Anna: This is really, really delayed, but thanks so much! The sooner I get to closing (this time next week!), the more anxious I become. It’s a great change — and I know without a doubt that this is the right decision, the best one I’ve made yet thus far — but it’s still nerve-wracking. I had no idea just how nerve-wracking it would be, though. I thought, psht. It’s just a house. Easy-peasy. Right?

Clearly, as you’ve experienced as well, that’s wrong. =P

It’s exciting, but a lot of work and a lot of stress and I had no idea what I was in for. But that just makes me even more glad that the end of the road is near and there’s a new one leading to a lot of happiness. Let’s make a deal — if you ever come for a visit (which I hope you do!), we’ll both go for some one-hour massages 😉

Thanks, Anna!

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Positively Present July 27, 2010

Congratulations! How exciting! This, I can imagine, has been quite a journey and this is a fantastic write-up of it.

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Susan Pogorzelski August 16, 2010

Dani — thanks so much!! I never would have imagined this for myself a few months ago, nevermind a few years ago. I guess that just goes to show that you never know what life has in store for you, you never know where the journey will lead, and you never know how your own story will read. Pretty cool to think about, something I need to remember. Thanks so much for the support and friendship, Dani! 🙂

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Sarah July 27, 2010

WoooooooooHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I was waiting for this post to sneak onto your blog, I knew it couldn’t take much longer. I am so, so happy for you and for everything your life is becoming. And, I can’t wait for movie nights and dinners and porch chats and all of the wonderful, awesome ways we can enjoy an entire house that belongs to you! I am so proud of you Susan, and so very lucky to have you as my best friend.

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Susan Pogorzelski August 16, 2010

Sarah: I saw this comment awhile ago and kinda just wanted to squee, so here goes: eeeeeeek!!! Ok. Much better =P You know that I never, ever expected this. Instinct kind of led me to the decision to see if it would work and instinct led me to this house. And nothing has ever felt more right, as much as an emotional mess this whole process has kind of made me. It’s funny — when you look toward the future, sometimes it’s hard to imagine, as much as you want to — pretty sure you may have felt similarly with the wedding. But the closer that future gets, the harder it is to believe that it can really be possible, that it can really come true. You almost can’t believe that that kind of happiness can be yours. But the closer it comes, and the more excited you become, you begin to realize that it is, indeed a reality.

It’s strange to say, but I think this is one of those rare times when I’m actually proud of myself.

Thank you for being so happy for me! Thank you for hanging in there as I become somewhat overloaded with these thoughts, and thank you, always for being my best friend. Movie nights, wii parties, and chats on the porch FTW. 🙂

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Sam July 27, 2010

As I’ve said to you on Twitter and IM, congratulations!! I am so, so happy for you! This good news and happiness is well deserved, and I hope it continues for a long time 🙂

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Susan Pogorzelski August 16, 2010

Sam: As with the others, this response is belated, but thanks so much for the congratulations! Your well wishes mean so much.

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Libby January 27, 2016

Ah yes, nicely put, evneeory.

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