You’re on your way,
Every day’s a new day…
Five For Fighting, “100 Years”
If there’s something I’ve learned through all of this reflection and looking to the past, it’s that you can use that as a chance to better your future. Every single day is a new day, a chance to start over and begin again. We like to say that we don’t get many second chances in life, but maybe with each day, there’s that second chance we’re always seeking.
These past few weeks have been some of the hardest in recent memory as I struggled to maintain control of something that was uncontrollable, tried to make sense, often through this very blog, of something that could never be rationalized. Every morning I woke up feeling like I had to do battle against the day and against my own self. It was a battle I wasn’t prepared for, and in catching me off guard, I felt easily defeated.
During the day, I focused as best as I could while struggling to control anger, tears, and anxiety, fearing that I was failing my family, my friends, and my colleagues. In the dark quiet of the late night, I held fast to my dog while apathy took over, repeatedly telling him how much I loved him, reminding myself that he depended on me. I may have rescued Riley, but I believe that he has been my saving grace in many more ways than one.
Still, the more I tried to fight it all, the further and faster I fell. It seemed like the real me was merely a shadow now, chasing after the person I felt I had somehow become.
But I’m not that person.
That was never really me to begin with.
On Monday, as the hours ticked by, I could feel the fog clearing as, presumably, new medication took affect. Each day I could feel more of that weight lifting as I emerged from the invisible shell to which I had once again withdrawn. My voice was cheerful when on the phone with customers; I smiled when talking with colleagues.
And then: a laugh.
When I came home from work in the evening, stepping through the door with a cheerful greeting, my mom smiled.
“Welcome back,” she said.
Just as life happens day by day, so must it be lived. I can’t promise that I won’t have bad days again, but I can promise that I’ll keep holding fast to what’s important, cherishing the good days and getting through the rough ones with hope in my pocket and courage in my heart.
This return to positivity couldn’t have come at a better time, as this blog has been tricked out with a fresh, new upbeat look thanks to the talented Andrew Norcross. A freelance developer with an expertise in everything tech, he is truly one of the most helpful and selfless individuals I’ve met in this social media world. Plus: he has great taste in music. Make a new friend and connect with him on Twitter. All my gratitude for his work and the beautiful design that fully captures the heart of this blog and the hopes for a brighter future.
And while I’m on a gratitude kick: as always, thanks to you, this community, for providing a bit of light through those darker moments, for the laughs, for the learning, for the friendships.