All my life I’ve been a dreamer
Dreaming dreams that always broke in two…
But I still believe in love
And I love believing…
Lea Salonga, “I Still Believe In Love”
An open letter…
I won’t be the one you think you’ve been looking for all this time. In fact, it might take us awhile to find each other, figure that out.
It will probably surprise us both.
We might not meet in a coffee shop, sitting tables apart, catching each others’ eye as we sip our lattes and tea, the heat from the cups warming our souls as we try to focus on the work on our laptops. We might glance up, get a refill, order a snack before returning to where we left off. We’ll be lost in our own thoughts, barely aware of the other until we shut down our computers, pack our bags, and briefly look back to see if we’ve left anything behind.
You might not meet me on the train as I travel to meet friends new and old in another city, or on a plane to another state, another country. We might share a polite smile of greeting as you take the seat across the aisle, but then you’ll pull your iPod from your coat pocket and watch the blur of colors as the scenery passes by the window, and I’ll settle back with a book or a journal and pen and be equally lost in thought and daydreams. We might interrupt each other for conversation — asking you where you’re going, asking me what I’m reading. But we’ll reach our stops, we’ll gather our things, smile at our brief connection with another person, and then continue to our destinations.
We might not find each other in a bookstore as we wander the same aisles. Our eyes will skim title after title, pulling out books that catch our eye before reading the inside excerpt or the first few pages to see what it really is all about, what lies beneath the cover, inside. We might stop in the same section, glance at the books we’re each holding — a range of literature and fiction, tech guides and science studies, history and philosophy — but we’ll put the book back on the shelf, thinking it’s not what we’re looking for, and continue on in our search.
No, our story may not be made up of the Hollywood first-glance, the chance meeting, the love-at-first-sight encounter, but when it happens, it will be ours just the same. I’ll make you laugh, and you’ll make me smile; I’ll banter or debate, and you’ll challenge me, matching wit against wit. I’ll be the trust you’ve been searching for, and you’ll be the shoulder I’ve been waiting to learn to lean on.
I’ll let down my guard, and you’ll let me in.
We’ll discover the world together as we discover each other. You’ll bring out the adventurous side of me, the spontaneous side I’ve often kept buried. I’ll learn to take risks, and I’ll be willing to take that risk with you. We’ll encourage each other as we chase our dreams; we’ll celebrate when we succeed and hold on when we fail. And though we might sometimes find ourselves apart, we’ll also find ourselves looking for ways to get back to each other.
It won’t be perfect. I’m stubborn and sometimes too independent and reluctant to let down that guard.
But I’ll surprise you.
I’ll surprise myself.
And I can promise you there will be a night where I burn dinner or take the wrong road and get us lost or say something incredibly stupid that has you scratching your head and holding back a laugh.
But there will be laughter. And honesty. And trust. And love.
I can promise you that there will always be that.
I won’t be the one you’ve been looking for all this time, not the one you expected. But when we find each other…
When that day comes when we realize we’ve found each other, we’ll know that maybe we were wrong to be looking for anyone else.