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Bribing the Universe — twenty(or)something: the archives

Bribing the Universe

by Susan Pogorzelski on July 16, 2009 · 5 comments

If you follow me on Twitter, you’ve no doubt noticed that I tend to hold sometimes daily conversations with the Universe. I think this started sometime back in December when I began to witness the power of positive thinking, realizing just how much I needed that to turn my life back around in the right direction.

I think “talking” to the Universe was my way of finding some sense of understanding, reconciling difficult situations with humor and a little bit of fun as I attempted to regain my optimism and belief in myself, in life, again.

But then the Universe started talking back, or, more accurately, I should say, I started listening to myself, trusting myself. What has resulted is some tough lessons learned, to be certain, and a lot of tough love. But there has also been a sense of awareness that I hadn’t really recognized before, a strength that I thought I had lost.

It’s about believing in something bigger…

And believing in yourself.

Gimme, Gimme
The Universe is used to people asking it for stuff: better jobs, new loves, world peace…But the Universe is stubborn, too, in its ability to decipher what we want with what we need and knowing exactly when to give it to us. Even if we don’t like it. Not one bit. And no, temper tantrums don’t work. Trust me. I’ve tried.

I’ve been told that the Universe gives us signs when we ask for them. So I ask for them. But I think I always misread them. For example…

Me: Universe, please give me a sign. Oh, look, a bus ambling past that says Ephrata. Maybe I should move to Ephrata! Universe: *headdesk*

I rest my case. Dear Universe: Thanks for putting up with me.

I ask the Universe if I can have a do-over of the past 3 weeks. The Universe laughs. I offer a tootsie roll. It takes it. Still no. Rip off.

Wonderful World
Sometimes the world can seem a dark and cold place and you want nothing more than to hide out for awhile until you’re better. The Universe gets this. But the Universe also knows that once you find the courage to peek your head out from beneath those covers, something worthwhile can be discovered. Life can be beautiful, in spite of it all. And, yeah, the Universe might have a hand in that…

Dear Universe: I know I cursed you out this week, but, really, you kinda deserved it. Let’s make up. Cause I want to thank you for this life

Dear Universe: Thanks. We’re still cool. Later we’ll make friendship bracelets to prove it.

Dear Universe: I almost asked for that friendship bracelet back. But then you had to bring me a brand new, beautiful day.

Universe: This is what it’s about, Susan, what I’ve been trying to tell you. It’s about love & life & enjoying it all. Me: Don’t gloat.

Universe: Moment by moment, day by day, life is to be lived and love is to be shared. You’ve got this. Me: Yeah. I finally think I do.

How Far We’ve Come
Whenever we’re feeling like we’ve fallen behind and are a little lost, like we haven’t done as much as we should, like we’re not where we thought we should be, the Universe is there, reminding us that we’re still moving forward, that we’re doing just fine, and that we’re exactly where we’re meant to be. “Look how far you’ve come” the Universe will say, and we’ll look behind us and realize, “Huh. Farther than I thought.” And the Universe will smile smugly. I really hate it when that happens…

Universe: Look at all you’ve seen, felt, done. I’ve thrown a lot your way so far, and what did you do? Me: Cried. Like, A LOT.

Universe: And then? Me: Then I moved on and got through it. Universe: Exactly. Me: Thanks for the reminder. You still owe me a tootsie roll.

Eye of the Tiger
AKA: Ready to Rumble.
Sometimes, the Universe can get pretty annoying, spouting all those words of encouragement when all you really feel like doing is throwing your hands up, giving up, and cursing the Universe out. It’s ok, the Universe can take it. Just like you can, too. And the Universe will fire back with some tough love and harsh truths, so be ready to listen and ready to learn.

Dear Universe: You know I love you. And respect you. But you & I are going to have major issues soon if you don’t get your butt back in gear

Well isn’t that just the flower on top of the icing on top of the cake. Good grief. Anything else? Universe, you and I need a serious talk.

Universe: Let’s see a smile first. Me: What? No. Universe: Come on. Come ooonnn. Me: I hate you. Universe: You love me. See? Look. A smile.

Went to dinner; waiter was the cute, smart, & funny kind. Too bad my happy heart is a tad cynical. Maybe I should be talking to Dear Cupid…

Universe: I’m being replaced? Me: Depends. What’ve you got in store? Universe: You should be asking yourself what you have in your life now

Me: I admit, I’m facing feelings of inadequacy tonight, of not being “enough” — good enough, smart enough… Universe: You’re an idiot.

Universe: What’d I tell you earlier? Hang in there, right? Listen, you’re well on your way; you’ll get there. Hang tough, kid. Me: Hanging.

‘Cause Ya Gotta Have Faith
Faith — confidence — is one of the greatest things to have, though sometimes the easiest to lose. It can carry you far when circumstances seem desperate, when you’re a little (or a lot) afraid, when faced with uncertainty or when faced with challenges. Have faith in your abilities, faith in yourself, faith in something.
Universe: Faith in me? Me: Yeah, we were getting to that…

Universe: You know, Susan, I told you to have a little faith in me. Me: I know. My bad. Lost sight of it. I know you’ve always got my back.

I think I’m finally beginning to trust in you, Universe. I know you’ve got my back. Guess what…I’ve got yours too.

I have to remember to trust in you, Universe. I can’t create the characters in my own life, can’t outline the plot, plan the happy ending.

Universe: Having a rough day? Me: Yeah. Can you fix it? Universe: No. But you can. Thoughts become things, Susan. Me: You’re no help at all.

Hanging Tough
Yes, the Universe likes to quote New Kids on the Block. What can I say, my Universe is a product of the 80’s. The sentiment is true, though. When times get tough, there’s always a reminder to hang in there and keep holding on. “Don’t worry ‘bout nothing ‘cause it won’t take long…”

Universe: Yup. Hang tough, yo. Me: Ok, quoting New Kids on the Block totally welcomes you into the club. Rock on, Universe, rock on.

Me: Universe, you’ve been kinda quiet lately. What’s up with that? Universe: Been on vacation with your muses. Me: ?!? Universe: Don’t hate

Me: Universe, are you taking a vacation or something? Universe: Checking out the beaches of Baja, yo. I like the little umbrella drinks.

Me: Well, hurry back, please. Think I need you in my corner. Universe: Always got your back. Me: Cool. And bring one of those drinks.

Universe: Rocky road isn’t just a kickin’ ice cream. Remember that. And I’m sitting beside you, helping you navigate. You got this. Drive on

Moving in Mysterious Ways
A surprise phone call from a friend right when we need a shoulder to cry on; a stranger telling us to hang in there, that these times get better…Some may call it luck, some may call it coincidence, others may call it little miracles…The Universe calls it being awesome-sauce. Don’t even ask.

Sometimes…Sometimes maybe the book just has to write itself. And maybe sometimes there’s magic, beauty, something special in that, too…

Universe: I’m going to surprise you, Susan. Me: Yeah, I’m counting on it. (And there’d better be cake & flowers & fireworks when you do)

Universe: Yeah. And you should see what else I’ve got up my sleeve. Me: A rabbit?! Can I name him Floppy? Universe: I give up.

Me: dear Universe, you work in mysterious ways, don’t you? Universe: It’s my best kept secret, yo.

Sing Your Life
Fair warning: the Universe likes to sing and thinks there’s oh, so much inspiration to be found in lyrics. Which there is, though I hate to admit it for proving the Universe right. Again. Just don’t tell the Universe about Karaoke Nights, ok?

Universe: Susan, I think I’d like to serenade you. Me: Good luck with that.

Universe:”Lean on me, when you’re not strong–” Me: –And I’ll be your friend if you give me my tootsie roll back. Thief.

Universe: It takes two, baby ? Patience. There’ll be bridges to cross; I’ll make sure you cross them. Me: So, trust you? Universe: Trust me.

“Your faith was strong but you needed proof…” Hey, Universe, can I have proof? Universe: Your life is proof enough.

Bribing The Universe
And if all else fails, resort to bribes. The Universe likes tootsie rolls. I have it on good authority.

Me: Hey, Universe I hear you have a fondness for tootsie rolls. If I bribe you, can you help me feel better and stop this nonsense?

Universe: Only if you promise to not overdo it. Me: There’s no negotiating with bribes. Universe: ….. Me: Ok, fine. Deal.

Universe: I don’t accept bribes. Me: You accept tootsie rolls. Universe: Well, yeah, I love those…

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