Career Development

The Dream I’m Dreaming

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming…
But there’s a voice inside my head saying
“You’ll never reach it…”
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most
Just gotta keep going…

Miley Cyrus, “The Climb”

mountain road by hugeknot (flickr)

I started up the full-time job search again. I’d been working with a temporary employment agency for about two years as a means for income, opportunity, experience, and learning while I continued the search for something in my field. But then I became satisfied with where I was and what I was doing and that all came to a halt.

Truthfully, I think I began to believe that anything was better than where I had been a year or so ago. So what had been something to temporarily hold me over while I looked for that job match — you know, that one position and company that fits you perfectly and you can imagine many happy years together — slowly began to transform into complacency.

I will advocate for temporary employment every chance I get, especially if someone is in the position that I found myself, but especially if someone is a freelancer or looking to start their own business. Temporary employment is flexible, it’s a (fairly) steady stream of income, it allows you to meet new people, and you’re constantly learning and expanding your skill set. I love being a temp for all of the opportunities that it has afforded me.

However, lately I’ve been wanting something more. I want the challenge, I want something that can sustain my ambitious and driven nature. I want to explore my interests and work in my field.

I want to love my job, what I do. Like perhaps all human beings, I want a purpose.

This past year has been a whirlwind, though that might be an understatement. After such a long time of frustrating stagnation, things picked up and began to move forward at a steady pace. I was grateful, I was happy. But now?

I’m ready for overdrive.

Let me pause for a moment because I have a very strong feeling I might regret saying that.

It’s never been more true, though. I’m ready for things to happen, and for everything I’ve been working for to keep going forward. I’ve been working hard, and while I can’t quite be sure what it’s for, exactly, or where I’ll end up or what it all means, while I may not know where I’m headed, I do know that I’m headed for somewhere.

I’m on my own path and that path belongs to no one else. It’s a reminder I have to keep telling myself as I face confusion and frustration and my mind begins to play tricks and whispers words of inadequacy and comparison. And the road I’m on is still young, still new, still freshly paved. But it’s a long road.

So I’m starting the full-time job search again, willing to relocate and explore if the position calls for it; perfectly content with staying where I am if life takes me on that route as well. Part of the adventure, I’m finding, is the unknown. It’s a scary place, but the best things have happened when I’ve been most afraid. And I know that this will be no exception.

I’m continuing down the road I’m on, in the meantime finding the motivation to all the while move towards my dreams. I’ve never felt more certain that this road I’m following is the right one. And I may have veered off course for awhile, but I’m back exactly where I need to be.

Just a little patience. Just a little faith.

It’s a long road…

But we’re just getting started.

4 thoughts on “The Dream I’m Dreaming”

  1. It’s funny, after a year of being unconventionally employed (part-time this, part-time that) I’m itching for the career that will be my life’s purpose and I’m tip-toeing to the precipice, and…

    LOL. I just realized your analogy is climbing a mountain, whereas mine is falling off of one! I guess it can feel like that, stepping into the unknown. I like your analogy a lot better. I tend to think catastrophically most of the time, when really, it’s just one small step in front of the other.

    Thanks, needed to hear this.

  2. It is a long and frustrating road, the job search, but I think you have a great outlook that will get you through it. It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut, content with the comfortable and safe, but I think you are too talented a writer to sit behind a desk and do admin work all your life. I totally admire your drive and courage, and I wish you the best of luck in your search. Remember, good things will come your way, they may just take their sweet time getting there 🙂

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  4. I’m really glad this post called to you guys because, truth be told, I just read over it and I have little idea what it even means. I think that nap yesterday was needed more than I realized! 😉

    Milena: That is an awesome analogy, too, though because sometimes with this temp work I feel like I’m ready to dive headfirst into something, as long as it’s anything. It’s tough out there, but we’ve got to keep climbing if we want to make it to the top — that’s just the way it works, right? Unless someone can helicopter me to the top. That’d be cool, too. =P

    Sam: Your comment is exactly what I needed to hear tonight, especially. I question myself, and despite my attempts to not do this, I find myself comparing myself to others, not feeling good enough, talented enough, smart enough. It’s ridiculous, I know, but those feelings are there, at least for now.

    It’s true that we need to remember patience. It’s hard to remember this when people are achieving what has been your dream all around you, but if you keep working hard, it’ll happen too, I’m sure of that. It’s frustrating, though. And a little bit discouraging. But maybe that’s what makes it all the sweeter in the end.

    Time will tell. Sweet, sweet time 😉

    Thanks for the comments, you two!

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