Because I’m pretty sure I’m not there yet. I am, however, quite content. Since I realize that I haven’t posted regularly, I wanted to check in and offer some updates. You know what they so often say, though — no news is good news. In this case, no news equals nothing new.
Things are kind of at a standstill. I use the word standstill because it’s a lot better than stagnation, which I feel like I’ve finally gotten out of, and just the sound of it offers hope that there’s possibility for change.
It doesn’t exactly sound promising, but I’m beginning to see that things are moving forward and happening — not on the job search-front, mind you. Oh no, I’m still actively seeking a job (anywhere in the US, but I’ll threaten to extend that search to Europe if I have to) that will at least satiate my desire for some permanency and challenge. I get frustrated easily with this search, sometimes wondering if I’m looking for something that’s not actually feasible.
I’ll save this spiel for another post (of which there will be plenty coming up — beware, I have plans), but, really, how hard is it to find a job in writing and editing books that includes some international correspondence (and occasional travel), where I can utilize my technological know-how and appreciation of aesthetics, and have half a dozen dogs (or just my own) lounging at my feet? It should be a piece of cake (white, not chocolate; icing negotiable), offered on a silver platter.
Now, don’t take me too seriously. I’m writing this with a light heart and plenty of sarcasm. I know that such positions don’t exist (and if they did, I would never presume to have a chance). I’m not being pessimistic, as that’s the last word anyone would use to describe me. Rather, I’m being practical.
But a girl can, and has every right to, dream. And dreaming is something I’ve been doing a lot of as I contemplate how exactly to go forth.
So this is why I call it a standstill…I have ideas that can be turned into plans but am waiting to move forward until I figure out exactly what I want. And for the first time, I’m really quite ok with that.
Because I’m moving forward in other areas of my life. I feel like I have undergone a major, yet subtle, transformation as far as personal development. It has been a long, often daunting journey getting there, but I feel more confident in my abilities, and, most importantly, in myself. I have no idea what my future holds; I don’t know where I’m going to be in three months or what I’m going to be doing. I have no idea if I’m going to move away or find a job…or find a job and move away. I don’t even know if that’s what I want anymore.
I do know that I’m no longer going to worry about it — at least, not as much as I did (I can’t quit cold-turkey, you know). Because I’m don’t want to be wishing for something I don’t have that I forget to be grateful for what I do. So now, I’m going to enjoy the company of family, have some fun with good friends, and play in the sunshine with my dogs.
Nothing much could really make me happier than that.